Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
