I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
