My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Alive.
So much puke
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
