The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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