Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
