there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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