i jhust puked up my retainher.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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