You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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