My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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