Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
