you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
