Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you made out with another girl for some wings
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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