If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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