K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
