you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Vodka?
Forever.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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