:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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