I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They took my balls.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
