what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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