he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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