I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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