so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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