I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
