if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
