Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
