nut hugger
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
