I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
