On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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