Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
