i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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