I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize