Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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