I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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