dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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