I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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