I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
