im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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