Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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