u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if only i could text you this smell
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
