he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
