Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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