oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
