Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
