Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
