How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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