I am puke
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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