my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
