No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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