i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
