Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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