So drunk its hurt
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
