did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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