I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How's work?
Spinning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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