Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
