I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
