Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
