I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
