dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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