Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
