Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
