I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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