I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
