once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
